Alcohol Vs. Family

I 

am in a marriage that for the last 11 years, has felt like I have been waiting for my husband to grow up and mature.  I am 9 years older than my husband.  We got married when he was 27 and I was 36. He was trying to figure out who he was and I was well into my career.  Before we got married, he became addicted to prescription pain medications to get through each day from an old back injury. We eventually got him off the prescription pain meds and on the road to sobriety. On the day of our wedding, he was given an anti-anxiety medication by a friend. Combine this with drinking with his groomsmen all day, he could barely keep his eyes open and stand up when we were at the altar.  I feel like we have never recovered from day one. 

After getting off of the pain medication, we moved on to a battle alcohol abuse.  I felt like I could only fight one battle at a time, and I attributed my husband’s idiotic behavior to his youth.  There are countless fights he picked while under the influence. There have been mornings where he could not remember falling over and mangling his glasses, face, and scraping his knees.  There have been occasions where he could not remember parts of the night prior.  But, he is creeping up on 40 years old and I do not feel like I can allow him youth as an excuse any longer.

Our daughter is 10 years old and has seen this behavior for far too long.  If I continue to allow this behavior in our home, she may grow up thinking that this behavior is acceptable. I have to make a change for the good of our entire family.

Over the past years, we have gone to marriage counseling, fought, attempted his sobriety, and threatened to dissolve our marriage.  This year, after another night of not remembering that he was trying to pick a fight with this best friend, he vowed to not drink a drop of alcohol for 3 months. 

It was great!  He did great.  He was sober.  He was motivated.  He contributed to the house.  He was sober. 

But, we went on a vacation and he thought it was an excuse to start drinking again. So….he did just that.  He has been drinking more and more since.  He is hiding alcohol in the house. And, this is all after I told him that next time he behaved poorly because of his alcohol consumption, that he would need to leave our home. 

This past Sunday, after drinking all day, he started to pick several fights.  I can no longer try to escape to another part of the house. I refuse to continue to do so.  Monday, I tried to have a conversation with him to see if he was apologetic.  I received nothing from him. He had nothing to say and no plans to fix himself. 

After 11 years like this,  I asked him to leave and get his act together.  The only comical thing about this conversation was that he thought it was only for the weekend.  Nope.  It is until he can get sober, stay sober, and choose his family over alcohol and drugs. 

This has been a long road for me, and I have not taken my decision lightly.  I love my whole family and doing this breaks our whole family apart.  But, not doing something leaves my head and heart in turmoil. So, with a heavy heart, I actually feel positive and strong about making this hard decision. I am praying it sticks. I don’t know how long this situation will last. and what the end result will be.  He will need to prove his love for his family by choosing to be mentally and physically strong and healthy.

I am a Mama Bear and I will fiercely protect my cub.  I am choosing to do this so I can be mentally healthy and strong. To be able to show our daughter what a positive relationship looks and feels like.  To show our daughter that this type of behavior is not acceptable in a healthy relationship.

What do I do to remain healthy for myself in these circumstances?  I stay connected with my friends, family, and co-workers.  I reflect and try to find the positive in each situation.  I get outside daily and I have started journaling again.  I embrace the hobbies that make me happy – I love to cook and create in the kitchen, I love to do crafts (painting, jewelry making, crocheting).  I exercise with my daughter.  I give and get unconditional love from my dogs.  I take care of my meager garden. Oh, and I have my potato chips as a comfort snack.

I am not saying to do everything I do.  Everyone has different passions to keep their minds and bodies healthy and strong. I’m not saying it’s easy either. If you are going through any stressors in your life, I encourage you to find a passion that makes you feel good about being you. Take each day, one day at a time. Remember that there can be something positive from even the hardest situation. Sometimes you can’t calm the storm, you have to weather it. Learn to dance in the rain. Wait in a safe and positive environment for the calm after the storm. Find your light and your hope, and naturally, the sun will always shine after the storm.

#mamabearcheryl

#alcoholism

#alcoholvsfamily

#whatdoesnotbreakus

#makesusstronger

#addictions

#familyhealth